So I have myself a few beta readers now and they're actually reading my story! Uh, yeah, I mean that's what I want, no doubt about it, but see, I'm used to handing off the first chapter or two for friends to read to get their opinion (and granted this was back when my writing sucked insert expletive) and the usual caveat was no reply back. Ever. Even though my writing is somewhat decent nowadays, I expected that to happen again after finding me a few betas.
Well, the first one that I hitched up with hasn't responded to me in two weeks, and I gave them the first six chapters three weeks ago. Gave them some time, thinking, okay, people have lives and they probably can't get to it right away. No biggie. Got an email saying they were still working on their notes and would send them to me in a few days. Sweet. So I waited, and waited, and still no email. That figures, I thought. Well, perhaps my story really does suck insert expletive. I tell peeps, if it isn't your thing, let me know so I don't go on wondering if you've read it or will finish, but no one ever does what I ask of them. Like, in my whole life. Ever.
I have now regarded the beta as a no go. But then I got another offer. Sweet! So far this beta has made it through the first several chapters and has sent me their notes, and boy did they have notes.
Now I'm freaking out!
Someone is actually reading my story, and making notes, and giving me their opinions, and I am scared that they'll say the book I've been scribbling away at for four years (off and on) sucks insert expletive. I've never had anyone read past the first chapter or two before, and now they are getting into the meat of the story and tearing it apart. I mean, this is what I wanted, isn't it? I wanted someone to read it with a critical eye and show me, in their opinion, where I need improving because I'm much too close to the work to see my mistakes. This is what I wanted.
And still do, and now I have three other peeps reading my story, and so now I'm freaking out more, and all I can think about right now is that there are more people reading my silly little 180k word (okay, not so little) story, and will they finish it? Is the story that ridiculously dumb and full of grammar mistakes? Why am I freaking out? Am I just in a particular mood right now and in a few days it'll pass? Maybe I need to drink some wine and calm the hell down.
|Dude, just chill.|
It makes me wonder if I'm the only one who has ever freaked out about having other peeps read their work or if this is normal? The more notes I get the more I think my writing is crap and that I should give up. Then I think, you idiot, don't give up over one person's opinion, or over several people's opinions. Believe your work is good, and whatever advice they give use only what applies to you. I know how I want my work to be better than anyone. Still, I don't know. Maybe it's the anxiety and depression I've been feeling lately, but I know this feeling will pass sooner or later. It has to. I worked to hard to let crits bother me. They're supposed to help, but in my mind right now for whatever reason is making them as if they are an attack on my ability to write, and they aren't even bad. I've even had compliments on many aspects of my writing. If I let crits, which are meant to help, bother me, then what am I going to do when or if I get published?
So perhaps I should take Jabba the Curbside Cat's advice up there. Work on a new project for a while to take my mind off of this one (I do have an idea for a new story, just need the motivation to start plotting it out), and chillax.