Friday, August 31, 2012

Farewell To August

This month has certainly had its ups and downs, and mostly downs. The month started at a good rate, though a bit on the scary side when I was confirmed pregnant. Both me and the Mister both were surprised, scared, and eventually elated about the news that we were to soon have a little one joining us. We started thinking about names and which of us was to have to give up their office (clearly he had!). However, that pregnancy was not meant to be and ended after seven weeks. Though as disappointing as it was I can't say that I was saddened over it. The embryo never formed and I ended up having a blighted ovum, which the doctor told us isn't unusual, especially for first time pregnancies. If a baby had been there I would have been much more devastated, but there wasn't. What we learned from this pregnancy is that we really would like to have a rug rat after all, even when in the past we both said no kids, it has brought us closer when we were beginning to drift apart, and we've decided to try again.

A few days after my miscarriage, standing in line at Dairy Queen my other half receives a text message from a friend of his. Soon after reading it he snaps his phone shut with a look of disbelief on his face and says "Oh God," or some similar remark, I can't remember exactly (my memory sucks). He opens his phone to read it again after I ask what is wrong and reads the text to me. A childhood friend of his up through high school had died that afternoon in a motorcycle accident. I didn't really know the guy though I know his older brother and one of his younger sisters, his death came as a shock to my boyfriend and I felt his sorrow. Though they had drifted apart as friends into adulthood, he remained friends with this man's family and especially his older brother. The county fair was taking place the week he had passed (his kids were showing animals in the fair) and was well-known to many in the community, and a fire fighter on top of it all. The accident was tragic, a 12-year-old boy driving a tractor drove out onto the road and my boyfriend's friend, distracted by waving to another passing motorcyclist, drove into the tractor. I feel sorrow for both families and wish them the best.

A couple of days after his friend's viewing, my boyfriend gets a call from his step-brother, saying his step-mother, who had been battling stage four breast cancer for the past few months, was not doing well and that he should come to his father's house to see her before she passes. I came to the house later in the evening and spent a few hours there in what would be her final hours. She passed away early the next morning. The following day I learned from a work colleague that her husband's brother had passed away that same day, and all I could think of is why are there so many people dieing this month? Is August of 2012 cursed with people I know or people that friend's and family know dieing? My boyfriend heard word this past week of another two more people he knows who died, one was a man he had worked with in the past and the other a man who he had gone to school with. Today was my boyfriend's step-mother's funeral. She no longer has to live with the pain she had been going through for the past several years. Now that August has come to a close, I hope next month will bring better, happier news, and no more death to people we know.

And on the interesting side of things, tonight is a blue moon, the second full moon within the same month. I don't have much to say about it other than it being pretty cool.

Full moons are awesome.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Random Song Of The Week #13

Loreena McKennitt -- Bonny Portmore
Album -- The Visit (1991)

O bonny Portmore, I am sorry to see
Such a woeful destruction of your ornament tree
For it stood on your shore for many's the long day
Till the long boats from Antrim came to float it away.

O bonny Portmore, you shine where you stand
And the more I think on you the more I think long
If I had you now as I had once before
All the Lords in Old England would not purchase Portmore.

All the birds in the forest they bitterly weep
Saying, "Where shall we shelter or where shall we sleep?"
For the Oak and the Ash, they are all cutten down
And the walls of bonny Portmore are all down to the ground.

O bonny Portmore, you shine where you stand
And the more I think on you the more I think long
If I had you now as I had once before
All the Lords of Old England would not purchase Portmore.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Random Song Of The Week #12

Sarah McLachlan -- Angel
Album -- Surfacing (1997)

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Monday, August 13, 2012

Oh, Baby!

I haven't posted anything in a while, with the exception of my random songs of the week (of which most are scheduled), because my mind has not been on writing for the past few weeks, for the blog or for my novel. Something happened in my life that is quite life-changing and I haven't been able to think of anything else but that. Well, by the title of my post you ought to have an idea what that is. Two weeks ago I took a test. It came out positive. Took another a week later at the doctor's office. Yup, positive. Yup, I'm pregnant, and at 35 years old it is about time. I'm very excited, nervous and scared shit-less over it. I'm 35, and I'm having my first baby!

That is, if everything turns out okay. The past few days have put me on pins and needles. I don't want to say what the reason is, but by my saying that I'm quite scared that my joy may come to an end will give you the idea. I'm a pessimistic person by nature, I suppose it helps me to deal with failure and disappointment better, and when things turn out it gives me great joy in that it had. I'm hoping for the best that this pregnancy will turn out great and I'll have a healthy baby, but right now, I'm not so sure. Only time will tell.

So, even though I want to write in my novel, the desire goes away once I open that document and I end up taking a nap instead. Yeah, that may just be the pregnancy. I'm usually up until 11 pm but lately I'm in bed at 9. I have all those lovely symptoms, plus a few symptoms that are having me worried, though as much as I try to tell myself it's okay, well, I'm being my pessimistic self. Perhaps what I need is to open my novel document and start writing, or go back to previous chapters and read (and edit while I'm there) and get my mind off this. Or read something other than pregnancy books. Or look at pictures of kittens.

Yeah, kittens make things better. Especially a ball of kittens.
Update 8-18-12--Turns out this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I had a blighted ovum and miscarried. We're both disappointed but at least no baby died, the embryo never formed, so that makes things a bit easier. We will have to give it another go around, and next time hopefully things will turn out for the better. :)

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Random Song Of The Week #11

Jonn Serrie -- Stratos
Album -- And The Stars Go With You (1987)

Electronic space music that will take you on solar winds across galaxies and to the stars. Or, it'll make you relaxed and sleepy. According to Wikipedia, this, Jonn Serrie's first album And The Stars Go With You, was created in memory of the astronauts who lost their lives in the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster in 1986.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Random Song Of The Week #10

Creedence Clearwater Revival -- Someday Never Comes
Album -- Mardi Gras (1972)

First thing I remember was askin' papa, "Why?",
For there were many things I didn't know.
And Daddy always smiled; took me by the hand,
Sayin', "Someday you'll understand."

Well, I'm here to tell you now each and ev'ry mother's son
You better learn it fast; you better learn it young,
'Cause someday never comes.

Well, time and tears went by and I collected dust,
For there were many things I didn't know.
When Daddy went away, he said, "Try to be a man,
And someday you'll understand."


And then, one day in April, I wasn't even there,
For there were many things I didn't know.
A son was born to me; Mama held his hand,
Sayin' "Someday you'll understand."


Think it was September, the year I went away,
For there were many things I didn't know.
And I still see him standing, try'n' to be a man;
I said, "Someday you'll understand."