Oh, Baby!

I haven't posted anything in a while, with the exception of my random songs of the week (of which most are scheduled), because my mind has not been on writing for the past few weeks, for the blog or for my novel. Something happened in my life that is quite life-changing and I haven't been able to think of anything else but that. Well, by the title of my post you ought to have an idea what that is. Two weeks ago I took a test. It came out positive. Took another a week later at the doctor's office. Yup, positive. Yup, I'm pregnant, and at 35 years old it is about time. I'm very excited, nervous and scared shit-less over it. I'm 35, and I'm having my first baby!

That is, if everything turns out okay. The past few days have put me on pins and needles. I don't want to say what the reason is, but by my saying that I'm quite scared that my joy may come to an end will give you the idea. I'm a pessimistic person by nature, I suppose it helps me to deal with failure and disappointment better, and when things turn out it gives me great joy in that it had. I'm hoping for the best that this pregnancy will turn out great and I'll have a healthy baby, but right now, I'm not so sure. Only time will tell.

So, even though I want to write in my novel, the desire goes away once I open that document and I end up taking a nap instead. Yeah, that may just be the pregnancy. I'm usually up until 11 pm but lately I'm in bed at 9. I have all those lovely symptoms, plus a few symptoms that are having me worried, though as much as I try to tell myself it's okay, well, I'm being my pessimistic self. Perhaps what I need is to open my novel document and start writing, or go back to previous chapters and read (and edit while I'm there) and get my mind off this. Or read something other than pregnancy books. Or look at pictures of kittens.

Yeah, kittens make things better. Especially a ball of kittens.

Update 8-18-12--Turns out this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I had a blighted ovum and miscarried. We're both disappointed but at least no baby died, the embryo never formed, so that makes things a bit easier. We will have to give it another go around, and next time hopefully things will turn out for the better. :)